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The Creative Issue – News for Creatives | August 5, 2021

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This is Why We Can't Have Nice Things...

Amy Billing
  • On June 4, 2013

As the festival season approaches I wanted to provide a self-help service, a kind of guide for ‘oh please god, don’t wear that’, or think of it as an intervention…


Every year, the outfits get smaller and smaller, and cover less and less private parts, and same goes for the females. As we hit July, and roll into festival season (regardless of the dropping temperature), General Pants and Universal stock up on nipple bearing, loosey-goosey singles for the men, and cut-offs (think Tobias Fünke) for the ladies. And somehow the word gets out that it is socially acceptable to wear cutoffs with a bodysuit, or thigh tight shorts, with singlets that barely resemble well…. a singlet.

festival wearThis is a photo a friend took at Stereosonic

Now, let me be clear this isn’t going to turn into your typical ‘cover up lads and lasses, give em’ something to work for’ lecture. But all bad trends should come to an end.

As we hit the summer seasons, my Facebook feed is littered with photos from festivals and it always seems to be the unique combination of animal onesies (honestly, where are people getting them from? And how do so many people know about it?), and itsy-bitsy singlets, cutoffs and body suits.

In recent years, festivals have become a chance for people to show off how extremely outlandish their style is (that’s a cute poncho), not how hairless your chest and nipples are.  And don’t get me wrong, if you’ve got the confidence to wear some of the ridiculously tiny costumes we see at festivals, power to you and all that. But ladies, can’t you occasionally wear something unique, or I’d even settle for something that covers your side boob or bum cheeks… I mean that’s like the laws of feminism.

festival wearqzf

Oh, and the guys. So you squeeze in your pre-festival workout before setting in for a mammoth morning of pres and recreational drug taking, only to spend the rest of the day pretending to love Avicii’s old stuff and fist pumping, while sporting the same singlet in different colours. It’s just unoriginal.

So next time you’re going to a music festival, I want you to run through this check list:

  1. Would Tobias Fünke wear this in the shower?
  2. Can I go swimming in my festival wear?
  3. Does this singlet cover less than half my chest?

If you answered yes to any or all of these questions, you should change into something more appropriate  because after all, you’re at a music festival and not a beach or the privacy of your own bedroom.